A Better Place

Well, it has certainly been a while since I've written a post. My last post was let's say " a little dark and gloomy". I am happy to say that I am in a better place today.

It's funny people usually say "They're in a better place" after someone dies... I'm not sure that is always the case (who am I to judge) however sometimes death does have to occur for us to find understanding. Sad but true..

I tend to learn things the hard way. Always have.. I was the kid that touched the cigarette lighter just to see how hot it really was because I thought my mom surely didn't know what she was talking about... I had never seen her use it (she was not a smoker)! Yep! It did indeed blister my finger in a nice circular pattern.

Now I could make this post very personal about many of the challenges that I have faced in the past six months, but I'm not exactly an open book to many. So I will tie this to my training and (epic fail) attempt at triathlon. If you'd like to know more about me... ask.

So I suppose a summer long story of preparation, a lot of sweat, some tears, and even a little blood all led up to my "A race". The Go Girl Triathlon at Eagle Creek. I was adequately prepared (physically) for all three parts. I had built up my swimming distance, biking, and running all summer long.  I had even worked on the mental aspects of competing. However, I was probably really only okay if everything had gone perfectly.

Race day:
I arrived a little later than I would have liked to but had enough time to take care of picking up my packet, setting up the transition area and taking care of the necessities before the race. I would have preferred to be able to feel more relaxed, but it was enough time to get it all in. The Mr. and the kiddos came along to cheer me on, and there were several friends of mine doing the race that day as well so this made it nice to have people to hang out with so I didn't get too nervous ;)
My blood sugar was in check, which meant my nerves were as well. (first open water swim)
Warmed up in the water. Even went out and back. Maybe 25 meters or so.. then waited to start
It was pretty cold in the shade as I stood there and shivered, which I think may have led to my cramping.
Swim:
I started out great. Not too fast, even breathing... then CRAP! a cramp in my calf!! I found my way to a kayak and hung on long enough to catch my breathe, then took off again. Made it a little farther and it just wouldn't ease up... I proceeded to freak out and wasn't able to take in enough air. I ended up being picked up by one of the boats.  After I said a few not-so-nice words and cried I sat in self pity and shock that I couldn't pull it together long enough to complete the swim. All I could do is sit there and watch other women not give up, not give in and struggle through and make it out. They did let me jump back in the water and finish the last 50 meters or so.. this made me feel a little better...ish. But I was so angry at myself that I did not finish the race. If I had something to throw I would have thrown it, but all I had was my swim cap and goggles. I did throw those down.
I was a very poor example for my children. I had trained to finish a triathlon. Swim, bike, and run. What did I do? Say "forget it" and quit after the swim. Now, I was DQd but could have gone ahead and finished, or I could have shown them what being a good teammate/sport is and stuck around and cheered on the people that I met there to race. This was not my finest moment... at all! Instead I packed it all up and scooted out while the race was still going on. Yep! cut and run.. WOW! I thought I had gotten past that mentality!
Reflection:
I do believe that there is a time and place for self preservation. The key is knowing how to differentiate between necessity and convenience. If I could hit the reset button on this race, I would hope that it would have a much different finish... but that is impossible! The only thing I can do is try and carry over the things that I learned into life, and of course my next race... because I am NOT a quitter!! Adjustments need to be made. Some will be easy, some will be the hardest things I have encountered yet... But through it all I will not lose sight of the end goal.
Like my daddy used to say...Keep sweet and keep pressing on... I believe I need to work on both.