A Better Place

Well, it has certainly been a while since I've written a post. My last post was let's say " a little dark and gloomy". I am happy to say that I am in a better place today.

It's funny people usually say "They're in a better place" after someone dies... I'm not sure that is always the case (who am I to judge) however sometimes death does have to occur for us to find understanding. Sad but true..

I tend to learn things the hard way. Always have.. I was the kid that touched the cigarette lighter just to see how hot it really was because I thought my mom surely didn't know what she was talking about... I had never seen her use it (she was not a smoker)! Yep! It did indeed blister my finger in a nice circular pattern.

Now I could make this post very personal about many of the challenges that I have faced in the past six months, but I'm not exactly an open book to many. So I will tie this to my training and (epic fail) attempt at triathlon. If you'd like to know more about me... ask.

So I suppose a summer long story of preparation, a lot of sweat, some tears, and even a little blood all led up to my "A race". The Go Girl Triathlon at Eagle Creek. I was adequately prepared (physically) for all three parts. I had built up my swimming distance, biking, and running all summer long.  I had even worked on the mental aspects of competing. However, I was probably really only okay if everything had gone perfectly.

Race day:
I arrived a little later than I would have liked to but had enough time to take care of picking up my packet, setting up the transition area and taking care of the necessities before the race. I would have preferred to be able to feel more relaxed, but it was enough time to get it all in. The Mr. and the kiddos came along to cheer me on, and there were several friends of mine doing the race that day as well so this made it nice to have people to hang out with so I didn't get too nervous ;)
My blood sugar was in check, which meant my nerves were as well. (first open water swim)
Warmed up in the water. Even went out and back. Maybe 25 meters or so.. then waited to start
It was pretty cold in the shade as I stood there and shivered, which I think may have led to my cramping.
Swim:
I started out great. Not too fast, even breathing... then CRAP! a cramp in my calf!! I found my way to a kayak and hung on long enough to catch my breathe, then took off again. Made it a little farther and it just wouldn't ease up... I proceeded to freak out and wasn't able to take in enough air. I ended up being picked up by one of the boats.  After I said a few not-so-nice words and cried I sat in self pity and shock that I couldn't pull it together long enough to complete the swim. All I could do is sit there and watch other women not give up, not give in and struggle through and make it out. They did let me jump back in the water and finish the last 50 meters or so.. this made me feel a little better...ish. But I was so angry at myself that I did not finish the race. If I had something to throw I would have thrown it, but all I had was my swim cap and goggles. I did throw those down.
I was a very poor example for my children. I had trained to finish a triathlon. Swim, bike, and run. What did I do? Say "forget it" and quit after the swim. Now, I was DQd but could have gone ahead and finished, or I could have shown them what being a good teammate/sport is and stuck around and cheered on the people that I met there to race. This was not my finest moment... at all! Instead I packed it all up and scooted out while the race was still going on. Yep! cut and run.. WOW! I thought I had gotten past that mentality!
Reflection:
I do believe that there is a time and place for self preservation. The key is knowing how to differentiate between necessity and convenience. If I could hit the reset button on this race, I would hope that it would have a much different finish... but that is impossible! The only thing I can do is try and carry over the things that I learned into life, and of course my next race... because I am NOT a quitter!! Adjustments need to be made. Some will be easy, some will be the hardest things I have encountered yet... But through it all I will not lose sight of the end goal.
Like my daddy used to say...Keep sweet and keep pressing on... I believe I need to work on both.

HOPE

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

What happens when one loses the confidence in what you have hoped for your entire life? The dreams, asperations, trust that you've been putting into something to turn out a certain way only to have it all turn out to be nothing like you ever imagined it to be....painful.

Again and again returning to the drawing board figuring surely this time things won't repeat... surely this time there will be a different outcome. It has been said that insanity is repeating the same action over and over again expecting a different result. Why should I believe that this time will be any different than any time before.

At a certain point I believe Hope can be lost... and if that hope is lost, there is nothing there to have faith in.

It's just where I am today...

I'm in Love with a Tool!

I've been training for the Tom King Classic for about 8 weeks now. I have been a very good girl and sticking with my training plan quite well. With the exception of a few Friday night runs (darn grocery trips to Wal Mart)... I wonder why one feels compelled to torture one's self by continually repeating the same event that only leads to major frustration... ?  different story for a different day... Back to training..

As far as training goes, I have probably followed this plan more closely than I have any other. Not perfect, but a great deal of effort has been made logging miles, pushing limits on strength training and learning to embrace running slow, and listening to my body.

Every time I have trained for a Half it seems at some point my right IT band knots up and causes me issues. The past month I have been nursing my right arch/heel and the last week or so I've noticed my IT band starting to tighten up. Grrr... massage therapy is wonderful!!! But can't do that every day..

Yesterday I found a foam roller by chance at Wal Mart of all places... ha! I have been keeping up on my stretching and things haven't gotten as bad as they have before, but I had absolutely no idea how awesome the foam roller is!! REALLY..

 No.... Not this kind of foam roller! hee hee... saw this pic and couldn't resist! Sexy huh?

This is my new favorite Tool!!!! It works out all the kinks in my legs and feels oooooooh so good! I did see one at the gym the other day, but it was up too high, and too many people were there for me to climb up on the shelving to reach it... I suppose I could have asked a dude to help. But it is probably a good thing because the way I was moaning and groaning someone may have thought I was using it incorrectly.. if ya know what I mean.. *wink

So I completely understand this girl's affection for the roller! I just figured I would use her pic instead of puttin my own mug out on the internet  (SMILE!)

Happy Running!! Go out and find yourself a tool to love too! ha!

~later

Long Weekends Rock!!

I am really not a morning person. Actually, I rather enjoy mornings...IF it's spent sleeping in and drifting in and out as I snuggle under the covers and wake up to the smell of coffee roasting and better yet pancakes, or even better, breakfast in bed! Now that's what I'm talkin' bout! Truth~ I've never been motivated enough to program the coffee maker, have occasionally been awakened by the smell of pancakes (yummo!), and haven't had breakfast in bed since I was a little girl for my birthday...I <3 MOM! ...Getting up before 7AM and running 11 miles takes a bit of motivation for this girl! Not generally the way I would prefer to start the day.  So having a group of people that are crazy enough to get up and run in the cold with ya sure does help!

 Me and my cuz Courtney... see, it looks like we are having fun! right? I am trying to let my "competitive nature" not get the best of me on training runs and just take it easy like I'm supposed to on long runs. Which in this case paid off because 11 miles felt reasonable.

Even the next day... I did finally find a pair of compression socks that fit my Big-O calves (15inches of pure muscle I tell ya!) Wore these babies to church (under my jeans) then headed out for a recovery run.

I noticed this a while ago, but it still irritates me that they have changed the distance of the track... Apparently it took a year, maybe two for someone to realize that it is really 9 times around the track instead of 8.... Why does this bother me? People should just get it right the first time! AND the last five laps of my five mile runs seem a bit longer.... Sunday's run was just 3 miles, so not that big of a deal. I do appreciate the warm, dry place to run, and have become a bit of a cold weather weenie as of late since I have this indoor track to dart around. ;)

 Came home and took my boys for a walk. Zach and Gus.

 Thank you Road Runners for the core work station! I get a kick outa watching my Zach-Zach tough it out!

 He said he saw a prince in a Disney movie draw out his sword like this.... Isn't he cute! He will be some girl's prince charming some day....... A loooooooooong time from now of course. He came home this week saying he and his friends were talking about who they were going to marry when they turned 18.... Ummmmm I don't think so mister!!! Try 35! Ha!

And finally, my family enjoys when I have extra time to actually prepare a meal! At least I think they do.... with the day off today (Thank you Mr. Presidents!) I grilled out some chicken legs added a little BBQ sauce and Mmmmmm mmmmm gooood!!

I heart February

I have a thing for February. I can remember when I was in elementary school every February decorating Valentine's Day cards and designing my Valentine's Day Box to receive the cards from all my friends and hoping to get a good card from the cute boy in class. You know, the anticipation, the nervousness, the hope of having someone else want YOU to be THEIR Valentine!


I often refer to myself as not being very sentimental. However, I am a bit of a romantic if you will.... Can you be one without the other? I think so. Hmmmm that's really beside the point as far as this post goes.  I digress... I was not the girl that chased the boy down and give 'em a kiss.

I like to ease into things... Measure the angles, read the directions, get advice, ponder and weigh before taking action. Ohhhhh okay! Yes, procrastination.... ha! The early bird may get the worm....but it's a worm, right! ....I'd rather eat steak! :) And, not to mention, the early worm gets eaten. (*wink)

So as far as taking a Polar Bear Plunge goes it would take the encouragement of others. On my own, I am usually the one that eases into the water. Yes, toes, knees, then everything else. But sometimes with the help of others we can be pushed outside of our comfort zones. Good friends are good for that! Glad I have some good friends! ...and no, this is not me and my buddy.. generic Google images pic. ha!

So naturally I spend my birthday month (January) pondering the previous year, setting goals for the year ahead...taking my time enjoying my birthday (it takes a month to celebrate a life as long as I've had~hey don't hate! By the time I'm 50 I plan to celebrate all year long - now that's a party!!)

And yes, I have gone from Valentine's Day to Goal setting. But when considering either situation thoughtful planning is needed and attention to details is desired. Nothing ventured nothing gained.. so I will not just sit on my rear and "plan" my life away, I plan to live it....

But don't forget like a good boyscout, I was a brownie ;) ~Always be prepared!